Beautiful Lives by Susan

Post-traumatic Stress Self-help Advocate

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6 Ways to Design Your Healing Intimate Environment

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There’s a lot of research that indicates a familiar intimate environment plays an integral role in the healing process. In addition, for the last few decades, healthcare facilities have played a big role in the research and implementation of healing, intimate environments. That’s because scientific evidence states that people heal faster when they are in the right environment.

6 Ways to Design Your Healing Intimate Environment

Honor Your Intimate Environment

Shortly after 9-11, I remember my supervisor explaining to me the importance of an intimate environment on humans. When there is a sudden change, it can be very difficult for some people to adjust. Especially when the change is linked to a traumatic event.

“First we shape our buildings, thereafter they shape us.”
—Winston Churchill

Intimate environment candle

As time goes on, I am increasingly aware of how important my intimate environment is to me. A few years ago, I moved out of the city, into the country, and had a garden in my front yard and that was incredibly healing for me. It was shortly after my mother transitioned and getting my bare feet in the warm eastern Oregon desert dirt made me feel so much better!

Although I’m back in the city now, I’m considering patio plants, indoor plants, acknowledging ‘space’ as a design, renting community garden plots, and other options I might discover. You see, it doesn’t have to be complicated to be successful. These suggestions are very easy for most people to follow and use in their own lives.

So, here are some easy ideas to consider when you design your healing, intimate environment.

• Bring the Outside In

Intimate environment hallway

When you look out your window, what do you see? Do you see plants, trees, the sky, a body of water, or something not quite so pleasant?  What do you want to see when you look out your window?

Even if you have a small space or a not so ideal living situation, please know that you can still create your own intimate environment space anywhere. Bring the outdoors in with plants and fresh flowers or install an indoor fountain surrounded by greenery. Set out a diffuser with your favorite essential oil and sit back and relax with the scent.

• Color Your World

Intimate environment colorful bedroom

Every color has particular effects on our psyche, far more than we are consciously aware. Think back in your life about times and places when you felt especially great about yourself. What color did you wear? Do you think it might have boosted your spirits without your knowledge? Do you still have that color around or would you like to reintroduce it into your life?

If you want to learn more about color and how we respond to it, read Color; How It Affects Our Lives.

• Natural Light • Artificial Light

Intimate environment with sun light.

Humans need light. We especially need the Vitamin D that we derive from the warm sunlight. Therefore, I suggest designing ‘light space’ at the forefront of your creative process. The quality and style of lights in your home set the mood that you desire. Natural light is the most desired, however, the right artificial lighting can be very effective as well.

Conversely, too much direct sunlight can cause distress to our bodies, so find that happy medium in your home. First, design for the most exposure to natural light, then supplement it with your indoor lighting fixtures. Also, consider full spectrum lighting whenever possible to emulate natural sunlight.

• Safe & Secure

Feng shui living room rules

Do you feel safe? Many times, we do not feel safe yet we are not consciously aware of this important factor in our environment. For instance, don’t arrange your living space so that you sit with your back to a door. That’s a big one for me.

• Way-finding Flow

Intimate environment stones swirling in the sand

Can you move easily from one place to another? Is there a natural flow to your living environment? Organization and flow is key to a stress-free intimate environment. The last thing my mother said to me was “a place for everything and everything in its place.” She was right. 👍

• Honor Your Culture

Design_MariaNovozhilova_AllAroundLamp

Is your culture accepted or are there blatant or underlying silent suggestions that your culture is not honored? This leads to feelings of inadequacy and being left out – both very disparaging. Why expose ourselves to that? Never let anyone stand in the way of what you honor in your life.

• Rejoice in Your Space

Rejoice in your space and let it reflect who you are and what matters the most to you. Only you can make these intimate environment decisions for yourself.

Warmly, Susan
Together we light the way 🔥

Susan’s Back Story • What Happened

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My story is a long one that spans 65 years, so this is a brief introduction to why I manifested this website and why I write. First, I want to thank you so very, very much for visiting. Next, it is my hope that you find some measure of corroboration for your own story through mine.

A Synopsis of What Happened

Susan's Back Story

My story begins in the dysfunctional home of my youth. I remember fighting against the sick games over and over and over again. But in the end, at the age of 16, I gave up and took a nose dive into a roller coaster existence that went on for decades.

As an adult, I attended several treatment programs designed for alcoholics which helped with some of my issues temporarily but it never got to the core of what happened to me and why I was always so afraid. All the while, I suffered emotionally, physically, and financially until I was able to break away to find my peace.

When it First Began

I first remember these dark feelings at the age of six years old that I now have the knowledge to attribute to my PTSS. Throughout my life, I endured many labels of shame imposed on me by both my family and ‘certified therapists’ and the labels of shame imposed by many other societal systems  — all of which I now know are not true.

It isn’t me — it’s what happened to me. As I am relieved of my stress, I am relieved of my life-long compulsions. Things in my life are much clearer now due to the “clearing away” of the never-ending panic and drama that always surrounds those feelings.

Start where you are the change the ending. CS Lewis Quote

Scapegoating & Triangulation

It is important to note that my mom was my physical and emotional abuser from childhood. But, going back even a little farther, she grew up in an alcoholic home and experienced a great tragedy when her father suddenly died violently while she was barely a teenager. Those events shaped the rest of her life and affected all those around her.

I clearly knew when I was about 14 or 15 years old that there was something seriously out of balance with my mom. I tried to point this out but no one responded positively or perhaps they believed there was nothing anyone could do about it. We all know the stigma attached to mental health by our society.

While trying to understand my own challenges, I naturally became aware of how closely related they were to my mother’s challenges.  It was in my twenties when I first became aware that I reacted differently to events than most of my friends. I knew I had been negatively affected by my childhood. However, I also felt like I was walking in the dark with no direction and no answers.

The Turning Point

My diagnosis for PTSS came after living with it for over 50 years. At last, after decades of searching for answers about why I felt and reacted so differently from most people around me, the answers became clear. There was nothing wrong with me, but there was a lot wrong with what happened to me.

The therapist who correctly diagnosed me after all these years also introduced me to Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) treatment. From the first session, I found relief from stress. There is no easy answer for PTSS but EMDR gave me a fresh perspective which is so amazing because I had literally given up hope.

But, thank goodness I was not fully informed because there is always hope and I am living proof.

"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Moving on With My Life

People like myself with Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome rarely talk about these things to anyone. Ever. It’s only now, after all these years, that I’ve found my voice. I am so tired of being quiet. I must let my voice be heard at last.

With Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), meditation, healthy eating, and exercise, I gained a whole new perspective on life. I continue to grow and heal daily. I am a work in progress.

Now, I will let nothing stand in the way of my light shining brightly for all to see. If you’re interested, join me on this journey and together we will see where this bright light leads.

“I’m not dimming my lights, I’m just going to hand you some shades.”
— Lisa Nichols 🌀🔥🌿

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Sudden Changes; The Trauma that Happens

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When I am in the middle of an anxiety attack from the result of sudden changes, I strive for inner truth because I know my PTSS distorts my perception of current events based on past events.

About Sudden Changes

It Takes Time

I simply can’t handle sudden changes or events. It takes time for me to become accustomed to them. Also, the time I take to heal depends on the level of pain or trauma the sudden changes brought to me.

Sudden Changes - Marilyn You Dont Deserve Me

When an event occurs and people get angry with me, it makes things much worse because then I get to be misunderstood and disparaged by someone who then becomes another one of my perpetrators. No thank you. I’d rather walk away.

Retreat from the Crowd

That’s why I retreat to spend time alone after a stressful day or event. Because very few people I know get that. I certainly don’t blame them. I simply have to take care of myself so I do. If that involves separating myself from others – then so be it. I’ve learned this lesson many times over. I think I’ve got it now.

Sudden Changes - Solitude Sarah Maycock illustration

Pause and Reflect

At the same time, I have to pause and be clear about the situation. Is this feeling from the past or from now? What would this situation look like without my particular emotional response of this moment? That’s where healing and growth happens. When that happens, the fear surrounding the situation dissipates, hopefully, forever…

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
—Socrates

How to “Come Down” after a Sudden Change

Those who have experienced post-traumatic stress syndrome know exactly what I mean when I say “come down”. When sudden changes occur, sometimes it brings about anxiety due to past fears. It feels very real at the time, so in our minds, it is real. But, there are other techniques to turn to for relief from the stress of sudden change.

The Surprise Attack

Sometimes these sudden changes take us by such surprise that we can actually feel our blood pressure rising, our mouths going instantly dry, and by then we are also feeling aggressive. I call this being on “high alert”.

Sudden Changes Anxiety surprise attack

For some of us, this initial feeling of shock never goes away completely, however, I strongly believe in the power of the mind and I believe that with time and diligence, we can absolutely change the way we respond to the feelings of shock. I believe that is where the long-term work resides.

The Techniques that Work

There are many instant techniques I employ for myself and I’ve posted about it throughout this blog. However, for your convenience, I offer you this practical list to include ways to relax as quickly as possible.

  • Practice deep breathing regularly so that when you need to rescue yourself from an anxiety attack, you are able to start your deep breathing effortlessly because your body and mind are already familiar with it. Even if you don’t practice, use this technique when anxiety attacks.
  • Talk to someone supportive. This is not someone who is going to further victim-blame you. This is an empathetic, kind, patient person. So be careful but find someone to talk to, if you can. The sooner you have emotional support from another human being, the sooner you will be able to “come down”. If you can’t find someone, do not despair. This is only one technique of many that will help you.
  • Go for a walk, swim, bike ride, or run. Your choice but do something aerobic. It will work miracles – especially in a pinch when you just can’t figure out what to do next. Excuse yourself and go for a walk. It will help you put everything back into perspective.
  • Make your own personal RELAX kit. Keep a relaxation kit near you at all times in your car or shoulder bag. This could be something as simple as a piece of peppermint chewing gum. The essence of peppermint calms and soothes our minds so yes, a simple piece of chewing gum might make all the difference in times of stress. Another item to include is lavender essential oil to dab on your wrists, upper lip, or other pulse points to help you relax in a matter of minutes instead of hours.
  • Listen to Your Favorite Music. Everyone has their favorite genre of music that relaxes and takes them away into their own safe world. My favorite relaxation style of music is the binaural beats and solfeggios videos – many of which are posted on this site. So put the headphones on and fly away!
  • Take a shower. The positive ions that are emitted when we shower are almost as beneficial as those you receive when you visit the coast and stand in its breeze. So, no cold showers, just nice comfortable, relaxing showers to calm us down and put us in a better state of mind.

“When we strive to live in own truth, our spirits are rarely disappointed.”
—Susan Daniels

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