My family, both paternal and maternal are from a pioneering past and an indigenous past. These are two cultures that experienced extreme trauma that must not be taken lightly. The old adage, “it’s in the past so forget about it”, and “these things take care of themselves with time”, are not true and it is a dangerous way to live.
The illusion of control of one’s environment, be it things or people, is fear based, not love based. It will wear away at the soul of the controller until they are only a shadow of what they might have been. This behavior always has the same ending. It always fails.
When they tell us something, they expect us to believe them because they said it. They deflect their own issues by choosing a victim, then proceed to gaslight their victim so that the victim believes that they are the one with the mental illness rather than the perpetrator.
As an adult, I attended several treatment programs designed for alcoholics which helped with the compulsions temporarily but it was nothing more than a bandaide for me.