How Do We Cope with the Secrets of Generations?
Do you feel exhausted from a lifetime of “The Secrets” that sometimes wear away your will to go on? I’ve been there. I know exactly how you feel. Are there secrets that you’ve been afraid to talk about for well, your entire life? Do you ever wonder why?
Families with Secrets
People who spend their youths in families with “The Secrets” grow up to live in constant fear of being exposed to the world for who we truly are while at the same time, we live in fear of our own truths that might dis-spell the ‘secrets’ that we’ve guarded so desperately.
In other words, we get stuck in lies imposed on us by our environment. This is a constant negative charge of energy that zaps our good energy and keeps us in internal conflict. It also brings out the human will to survive which can manifest in some unhappy ways.
How to Change
How we continue to allow this survival instinct to manifest in our lives is up to us once we become aware and accept that we are in “The Secrets” rut. To admit is the only way to clearly see and make permanent changes in our behaviors. That’s the scariest step of all. It takes courage and perseverance to see any lifestyle change through to conclusion.
Abusive Cycle – This is the name for the ongoing rotation between destructive and constructive behavior which is typical of many dysfunctional relationships and families.
Added Bonus
Keep in mind that the strength and endurance to live with the family and self-imposed guilt of secrets will transfer over when you decide to finally address and process these secrets. It stands to reason that the energy we spend daily to bury those secrets is energy that can be spent on living an authentic life rather than a life in the shadows.
Families are comprised of individuals, each with their own individual perception of the world. Never-the-less, each family member’s energy flows into the other, making it virtually impossible for one member of a dysfunctional family to remain ‘normal’ (for lack of a better word, I use ‘normal’ very loosely).
Honest is Always the Best Policy
Treatment 101 teaches us that withholding truth is the same as a lie. The words aren’t coming out of your mouth, but the lies are still there in the form of a secret. When we withhold information, we take away everyone’s ability to make informed decisions for themselves. But they don’t get the truth from their trusted family members. They get lies in the form of secrets and it damages their perception of the world.
“A person cannot survive or grow through another person although one can survive and grow with another person.”
—Susan Daniels
What I have learned is that I grow from the spirit that is me. When I deny myself the truths that I seek, that’s when my spirit is damaged. That’s when I stop growing. That’s when I get stuck.
Healthy thoughts are when I respond to my own inner truth (spirit) first rather than the perceived stimulus of the people around me. When I get still, quiet, and completely at peace, then I slowly hear the truths as they come from my soul (spirit). Therefore, the stillness of mind or ‘mindfulness’ is important to me. It is why I meditate, listen to healing music, and sit under an OttLite daily.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
—Maya Angelou
Other Posts You Will Enjoy:
The Trauma of Forced Deportation
Let It Go; What does that mean?
My Life was Shaped by Perpetrators
