My story is a long one that spans 65 years, so this is a brief introduction to why I manifested this website and why I write. First, I want to thank you so very, very much for visiting. Second, it is my hope that you add your voice to mine so that together we light the way through trauma as we heal and manifest our beautiful lives with spirit, mind, and body balance.
My Story Spans 65 Years
My story begins in the dysfunctional home of my youth. I fought against the sick games. I stood up to them over and over and over again. But in the end, at the age of 16, I gave up and started drinking and didn’t stop for 27 years.
As an adult, I attended several treatment programs designed for alcoholics which helped with the compulsions temporarily but it was nothing more than a temporary band-aid for me. All the while, I suffered emotionally, physically, and financially until I was able to break away to find my peace.
When it Started
I first remember these dark feelings at the age of six years old that I now have the knowledge to attribute to my PTSS. Throughout my life, I endured many labels of shame imposed on me by both my family and ‘certified therapists’ and the labels of shame imposed by many other societal systems — all of which I now know are not true.
It isn’t me — it’s what happened to me. As I am relieved of my stress, I am relieved of my life-long compulsions. Things in my life are much clearer now due to the “clearing away” of the never-ending panic and drama that always surrounds those feelings.
Scapegoating & Triangulation
It is important to note that my mom was my physical and emotional abuser from childhood. But, going back a little farther, she grew up in an alcoholic home and experienced a great tragedy when her father was shot and killed while she was barely a teenager. Those events shaped the rest of her life and affected all those around her. I realized when I was about 14 or 15 years old that there was something seriously out of balance with my mom. I tried to point this out but no one responded positively or perhaps they believed there was nothing anyone could do about it. We all know the stigma attached to mental health by our society.
Scapegoating – Singling out one child, employee or member of a group of peers for unmerited negative treatment or blame.
Triangulation – Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other.
While trying to understand my own challenges, I naturally became aware of how closely related they were to my mother’s challenges. It was in my twenties when I first became aware that I reacted differently to events than most of my friends. I knew I had been negatively affected by my childhood. However, I also felt like I was walking in the dark with no direction and no answers. Rising to meet each day was a challenge.
I even went so far as to call my ex-husband and gave him full custody of our child because I was afraid I was going to treat her the way I had been treated by my mother and I did not want any child of mine to suffer in that way.
The Turning Point
My diagnosis for PTSS came after living with it for over 50 years. At last, after decades of searching for answers about why I felt and reacted so differently from most people around me, the answers became clear. There was nothing wrong with me, but there was a lot wrong with what happened to me.
The therapist who correctly diagnosed me after all these years also introduced me to Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) treatment. From the first session, I found relief from stress. There is no easy answer for PTSS but EMDR gave me a fresh perspective which is so amazing because I had literally given up hope.
But, thank goodness I was not fully informed because there is always hope and I am living proof.
Moving on With My Life
People like myself with Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome rarely talk about these things to anyone. Ever. It’s only now, after all these years, that I’ve found my voice. I am so tired of being quiet. I must let my voice be heard at last.
With Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), meditation, healthy eating, and exercise, I gained a whole new perspective on life. I continue to grow and heal daily. I am a work in progress.
Now, I will let nothing stand in the way of my light shining brightly for all to see. If you’re interested, join me on this journey and together we will see where this bright light leads.
“I’m not dimming my lights, I’m just going to hand you some shades.”
— Lisa Nichols